Self Preservation : Relationship – Friend or Foe?

She’s your deskside counsellor, e-mail sparring partner and confidante over morning tea. But can the workmate who knows too much prove dangerous for your career?

Friends at work can make the office tolerable, even fun. But they know the real you. They know how badly or how well you deal with stress and how often you make personal phone calls.

This intimacy can create strong bonds, but it can give your work friend power over you too. To protect yourself from being manipulated or disappointed, adopt some of these strategies for self – preservation…

Keep Your Distance.

When you enter a company at the bottom of the hierarchy, you automatically become a member of the support staff club, where solidarity rules. On birthdays, you all buy a cake and on Friday nights, you do your weekly debriefing at the pub. But once you’re promoted, it’s surprising how quickly the slumber party can end.

As you may now be managing people you once shared office space with, you’ll think twice about letting them see you drunk or feel awkward when they criticise the management. The solution? Be friendly, but maintain a little distances. But not with your office bosom buddy, who may feel resentful of your success. If not handled with care, she could become your bitter enemy and rival.

Don’t pretend nothing has changed. Sit down with her and ask: ‘How are you feeling and how can we approach this to get the best out of each other?’ That way, your friend will know she’s still valued. Then talk about how you can stay close, yet professional.

Set some ground rules – firstly for yourself. Remember how you used to spend hours gossiping and making jokes? Save those for friends outside of work.

Find Solutions.

Your friend may also feel insecure about her past desktop confesssions. Reassure her – and the team – that anything discussed in the past will remain cinfidential.

Remember the things you all used to gripe about? Use your position to negotiate with upper management and initiate solutions. Then, people will start to say, ‘Isn’t it great having Sally in that role because she really understands our difficulties?’ Workmates will then continue to trust you and regard you as their ambassador.

Lay Down The Rules.

But what if your workmates milk that relationship with you? Soon after you got promoted, your closest work friend, started coming in late, taking long lunches and not completing her work. You felt angry, compromised and unsure about how to deal with it.

The longer you let it slide, the harder ot gets and the more others will start to resent your double standards. Management may also interpret that as a sign of poor leadership skill.

It may be awkward to pull rank, but you must lay down the law. Arrange a coffee away from the office and have some quality friendship time before tackling the issue.

You might say ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been coming in late – what’s happening?’. That way, you can assess whether the person has a legitimate reason. If they don’t, explain why that is unfair to the rest of the team and outline what you expect of your friend in the workplaces.

Keep Quiet.

Don’t discuss co – workers. If you join in a bitching session just to prove you haven’t changed, you will run the risk of having your comments repeated to that person – who may then become an enemy. Given you more senior position, you might also appear to favour some team members over others.

Also try not to you socialise. Indicate that some subjects are off limits. Be firm but friendly if you’reasked to verify rumours about things being affot – in management. A flippant remark like, “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you” will get you off the hook sans creating tension.

Keep Things In Perspective.

It can be lonely once promotion has separated you from the herd. Remember how you felt about management before you joined the rank? So don’t take it personally if you get invited to fewer get – togethers.

It can be similarly tough if your friend has been promoted – particularly if you went for the same job. Management may be watching the way you handle your disappointment, so be gracious and don’t withdraw your friendship.

Instead, you should try to find out what factors worked in her favour. Network with her about ways she can be proactive for you and ways in which you can support her in her new role. Then, should you find yourself next in line for promotion, you will already have an ally when you graduate to the next rung of the corporate ladder.

Be firm but friendly if you’re asked to verify rumours about things being afoot in management. A flippant remark like, “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you” will get you off the hook without creating tension.

Keep It To Yourself.

>> Spilling your guts to an office friend can be a bad career move on hindsight, if your friend gets promoted. If you’ve shared every emotion, from your panic attacks at meetings to your desire to get to the top at any cost, when an inter-office job comes up, your friend might let slip that you’re not too confident or that you’re so desperate, you will accept the promotion at the lower end of the pay scale.

>> Avoid the temptation to turn your workmate into an agony aunt. Where possible, keep your private life private. Reveal too much about yourself to your manager, for example, and she might reveal too much about you, (think of her saying: “Maybe she’s not the best choice for this big assignment – after all, she’s just split from her boyfriend and her pet hamster died. She has a lot of personal problems right now).

>> Your workmate is hungry for career kudos and pay hikes just like you. So she’s always going to put her professional ambitions first. That doesn’t mean she’ll tell your boss that you steal stationery from office (she might if she’s an opportunist). But it may mean she plays some cards close to her chest. And if you’re career – smart, you’ll know when to do the same.