Selft Improvement – The Healing Power of Forgiveness

We all know what it is like to be wronged. Maybe someone you trust hurt you recently – perhaps your boyfriend lied to you or a visiting relative made a cutting comment about your shape. Or it could be that pain runs deeper – beginning when you were a child and rippling out, like rings in a pond, into your adult life.

Whatever the specifics, even the smallest of hurts can feel intense. And, often, the idea of extending forgiveness is incomprehensible for days, months or even years after the initial wound. But it’s said that to err is human, to forgive divine; now, mounting evidence suggests that, for those who can give up their grudges, the physical and psychological rewards may well be great.

A research group at Hope College in Michigan, US, was prompted to try to remember past injustices – such as a boy – friend’s infidelity or a slight by a friend – and then think unforgiving thoughts. We noted increase in their sweat levels, heart rate and blood pressure. This suggests their stress responses were greater during those periods than when compared to equal periods of forgiveness. This conclusion was borne out of a study at the Virginia Commonwealth University, US, which found elevated levels of cortisone (also considered a stress response) in the saliva of people who were loath to forgive.

In total, more than 60 scientific studies are currently under way world – wide to monitor and measure this act of kindness. But though findings point to the positive consequences of not holding grudges, most people find it difficult to forgive. Experts say that much of the reluctance lies in the fact that the concept of doing this is so misunderstood.
Many of us mistakenly believe that, by offering forgiveness, we’re caving in and relinquishing our power. But forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring an injustice or letting someone treat you badly. Remember that it’s not a wimp’s response. It takes a strong and courageous effort to make that move. To let go of your grudges takes a great deal of moral muscle.”

A Question of Empathy.
Though several years of nursing a wound may seem like a long stretch, it’s not unusual for individuals so take lengthy periods of time to work through painful grudges. The more hurtful the original offense, the longer it usually takes to forgive. It’s especially difficult to forgive a hurt you’ve tried to forgive before without success.”

Forgiveness can be cultivated by simply following a series of specific steps. Getting rid of a grudge is a journey. And at the core of every journey, empathy is the ability to feel and understand what another person has experienced.

Until victims heal their feelings of anger, the memory of the injustice will continue to haunt them and eat away at their life. Not being able to forgive someone is said to be as bad for you as smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.

Healing the Hurt.
Quick to stress that forgiving someone does not mean blanking all knowledge of the event that did not wound you – nor, does it mean allowing someone to repeatedly hurt you. Forgiveness does not equal forgetting. It is about healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it.

While forgiveness usually leads to reconciliation, it is not the same thing and not necessary. Forgiveness, he believes, should be likened to a gift – given only when you’re truly ready. True forgiveness is an altruistic gesture, given in full recognition that it might not be deserved.”

5 Steps to Forgiveness.
Giving up a grudge is no easy task, but the following five steps, will help set you on the right path:

1. Try to recall your feeling of hurt as objectively as possible. Often this is difficult to do with a filter of anger clouding your vision.
2. Then try to empathies with the person who has hurt you. Imagine what they were thinking and feeling.
3. Recall a time when you did something wrong and you were subsequently forgiven. Try to return to that feeling of joy you had and offer it to the person who has wronged you.
4. Commit publicly to forgive. You could state your intentions aloud to another person write a letter to yourself or make a certificate and hang it in your house. It’s hard to doubt yourself when you have this concrete reminder of having forgiven someone.
5. Hold on to your forgiveness when in doubt. Go back and review your letter or certificate to remember what you’ve done.

Forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring an injustice or letting someone treat you badly. It’s not a wimp’s response. It requires courage.