This article is to provide a requirements guide for executives, managers, or the new leader themselves. It is by no means a comprehensive list, but it is a start towards covering the primary areas of expertise, knowledge, and understanding required to lead successfully. The areas we are going to review in this article are the leaders Personal Attributes. Personal Attributes are a blend of knowledge, expertise, and competencies required to maintain a level of leadership that people will follow.

The following "guides" will help you develop individual as well as team standards. The essential personal attributes are as follows.

• Presenting a Positive Image,

• If this is a sudden leadership role, be upfront with people. The words "This is new for me" will help explain any hesitancy you may display at first, but not to the point of allowing people to doubt your ability.
• Behave in a professional manner, at all times.
• Do not confuse leading with always initiating action or making decisions. Develop a process for making decisions so people know what kind of decisions you will make on your own, in consultation or via collaboration. In general, the more complex and impactful a decision will be, the better it is to involve other people in the process.
• Leadership styles are just as strong in the role of observer, supporter and challenger as they are when initiating action. Be flexible.
• Be open-minded and responsive to the needs of others;
• Work towards personal and career development goals;

• Be part of the leadership team that helps create and communicate the corporate vision.

• Remember, you are part of a team of leaders, not the sole leader in the company. The answers do not solely rest on your shoulders.
• Garner support at all levels.
• Leadership is not a matter of "pulling" or "pushing" people to get something accomplished. Leaders "guide" others to contribute to the strategic goals.
• Give visible personal support to the strategic direction

• Personal Ethics

• Adopt a balanced, open-minded approach to the ethical concerns of others.
• Support colleagues; demonstrating fairness and integrity at all times;
• Support Corporate Goals and Objectives;
• Consider the ethical issues and the implications of your personal decisions as they balance against that of the organizations activity;
• Raise ethical issues before proposing or agreeing to decisions; Opening discuss the implications – either pro or con to decisions – before they become mandated. Make sure you exam both sides of all issues.
• Resist pressures from within the organization (or its partners or various divisions) to achieve objectives by unethical means.

• Think strategically.

• Learn how the different functions, physical divisions, and layers of your organization should work together:
• Look for and adopt a level of understanding for the complexities of the external environment. Develop a plan for how your organization can best respond to the changes;
• Do your own SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats) test on the organization. For those areas that are below the margin, determine a way to strengthen them. For those that are above the mark, calculate a way to take advantage of them.
• Examine the Strategic objectives of the organization. Determine how they are influenced by all the current and forecast influences that will impact on the organization;
• Examine the operational objectives. Are they in line with and support the strategic objectives of the organization;
• Examine the behavior of current and potential competitors. Are they in line with your organization? If not, why? Do you need to be inline with them?

• Personal & Corporate Communication

• Be responsive to messages.
• Look for signals from the internal and external resources.
• Make effective use of communication channels from and to all levels within the organization;
• Encourage the exchange of information within the organization, and amongst suppliers, customers and partners;
• Listen to others, including those with opposing views,
• Select personal communication styles that are appropriate to the different situations and audiences.
• Use information effectively – establish reputable resources
• Establishing multiple channels and networks that generate a constant flow of information, from within and outside the organization.
• Analyze information received objectively.
• Constantly gather and use the information gathered effectively, dismissing any unproven information or information speculative in nature.
• Do not assume anything; know.

• Make Qualified Decisions,

• Establish a flexible approach to the analysis of the information you receive, learn to recognize when more information won’t improve the quality of a decision and be prepared to adapt – or manage the drift;
• Bring out personal experience; knowledge and adapt solutions for current and potential problems;
• Consider alternate solutions; Research on decision-making shows that leaders often overlook "what could go wrong" once they’ve set a path forward and thereby find it difficult to adjust afterwards. Remember, there are no final solutions, only steps in the journey of continual improvement.
• Be sure that the decision you select is feasible, achievable, and affordable, be prepared to adjust as you learn from feedback;
• Consider the impact of the decision on ALL stakeholders, at all levels, before approving implementation.
• Once a decision is made, work with it. Do not second-guess yourself, but do practice learning from feedback after a decision is reached, by monitoring success factors.

• Develop Effective Teams

• Appreciate the contribution of others at all levels in the organization;
• Ensure that individuals and teams are kept informed of plans, developments and issues that will affect them;
• Ensure that individual and team development schemes are given appropriate priority;
• Provide personal support for the implementation and maintenance of individuals and teams at all levels.

• Behave with Authority – not Superiority

• Taking personal responsibility for decisions and actions you make;
• Get involved in activities and events;
• Deal confidently and professionally when challenged. Manage your anger.
• Learn to say no. Do not get shackled by unreasonable demands.
• Protecting individuals and teams from unfair or discriminatory actions;
• o Remain professional all times.

• Concentrate on Results

• Nurture a company and personal culture that demands high standards and high levels of performance;
• Stay focused on objectives and planned outcomes,
• Do not procrastinate. Address issues and solve problems when they arise;
• Plan and schedule personal work, making the best use of available resources;
• Delegate authority appropriately; giving personal attention to the critical issues and events, but not to the point of micro-management.

• Manage yourself

• Examine closely and constantly your personal performance and progress;
• Ask for feedback on personal performance;
• Acknowledge that there is always room to learn and grow.
• Change personal behavior in the light of feedback received;
• Develop a practice of finding time for reflection and growing self-awareness.

In summary: these essential attributes are many, and sometimes difficult to maintain consistently, unless you are aware of them. The leaders of all organizations, regardless of size of the organization, should be role models for others. These are learned characteristics, which through continuous development, can be enhanced.

Joan Resnick is a Professional Trainer, Coach, Facilitator, and Mediator, and the owner of The Real Life Training Group.

Joan has trained scores of government agency leaders through Real Life Training Group, her Ashland-based company. Clients have included leaders from the Bureau of Land Management, the U.S. Forest Service, the Rogue Valley Council of Governments and other organizations.

Joan developed the Leadership Growth Series of courses to teach leadership for individuals in government and corporate environments’. She can be reached for consultation at Joan@RealLifeTrainingGroup.com or by calling 1-888-488-7921

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What exactly is Clean Communication?

The easiest way to help you understand clean communication and how it affects your leadership development is by realizing the components that are not present. Things that come in the form of an attack, shame, blame, upset, anger, manipulation, ridicule, disdain, lies or anything else.

In order to start building communication skills that are acceptable, one must know the difference between conscious and unconscious deliveries. The conscious version is much easier to deal with for most because it won’t have emotional awareness attached to it. This is because the individual is thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea to speak out in anger, attack someone or even manipulate them. When dealing with unconscious delivery you have to understand that the individual is most likely in denial about their intent of communication.

Here is an example of a Person A having communications with Person B. Keep in mind that both individuals are simply experiencing a smooth flow of communication. In the graphic below, just look at the arrow passing between both of them. This is what we call; Clean Communication.

The next example shows that the communication isn’t nearly as clean as before and there are issues with the flow. There are many ways people feel these blips, and it will cause sensations like:

*slight discomfort in some part of your body
*a feeling of nausea, breathlessness, increased heart rate
*physical shock in the heart or gut area in the more extreme cases

Thoughts will also surface that may include:

*something is not right here
*I do not believe them
*something is missing
*they are having a go at me
*they do not like me/what I have done/my work etc.
*I sense sarcasm, attack, bitterness, a hidden agenda

Then again there may be intuiting ideas like:

*attack
*ridicule
*deception
*lying
*manipulation

Another important issue to understand is that you do not have to be aware of low grade problems until later on down the road. This will be around the time that you have any of the experiences above, even if they are vague ones.

If this happens to you or in this case "Person A," the experienced feeling may not be an interpretation of the other’s communication level. Remember, it could simply be your own experience since you may be the one without clean communication. If you ever decide to take on leadership development you have to acknowledge this before you can push forward. This is considered one of the essential parts to emotional intelligence. If by chance you come across your own knee jerk reaction, it’s important to continue building communication skills on an emotional and comprehensive level.

It’s possible that Person B is completely innocent. The real issue here is that your interpretation and sensitivity is the one to blame. If you can accept this you will have no problem asking the question of Person B. After all, it’s the only way you’re going to do it.

Below you will find an example of how this can be done:

"Last night when we discussed X you happened to mention Y. I’m really not sure if I understood your message the right way and was wondering if we could discuss it? I just want to be on the same wave length. What did you mean when you said…?"

Take the necessary time to discuss the matter until you have full clarity over the situation.

Then again, you can take a similar approach that works the same way: "Do you remember when we were talking about X and you mentioned Y the other day? I was thinking about it and I’m not sure if I understood everything. I could be way off base here but I got the impression that you were upset with me for some reason." In this case you can just sit and wait until Person B responds.

It might also be that Person B has their own unclean communication with intention. If this is present then you should expect that there is some issue between the two of you. Unfortunately there are many people who have a hard time with confrontations, which makes this an unpleasant experience. Keep in mind, if you don’t do anything the situation is going to manifest and eventually evolve into something that hurts each person. This happens in relationships all the time and is one of the reasons why major relationship breakdowns actually occur. If you continue to wait you will find that this toxic residue can turn into major issues like silence or even violence. Then again, it could be both.

Clean communication is all about addressing the issue the next time you step into another conversation with the same person. If you even have the slightest small and unclean communication left unaddressed, it will be very difficult to take a step back and refocus your energy in a positive nature. It’s why you will have to continue building communication skills in order to resolve these situations appropriately.

It will be important to keep an eye out for the residue. It looks like:

*slight nervousness
*being wary
*looking for confirming evidence that you are right
*anxiety
*upset of some form
*a combative approach
*defensiveness
*withholding certain pieces of information
*lowered trust

Even though this may sound odd, Person B may still be innocent and you are the entire problem.

If you want to get a glimpse of what an expanding issue looks like, be sure to look at the 3rd graphic.

Blow up situations happen simply because 2 people can’t seem to address the issues. A great example of this is if Person A misunderstands something from Person B and never brings it up again. Instead, Person B picks up the negative vibe that Person A has been holding on to for quite some. However, Person B has been holding his or her own residue and the argument or fight surfaces. This could have been avoided, but because of the mis-interpretation and failure to produce clean communication both parties are upset.

It’s also possible that Person B could bring forth an intentional attack. If this occurs a conflict resolution skill is a must. Let’s put it this way; saying nothing is an unhealthy option. Those who become defensive or try to say nothing only add more fuel to the fire.

In order to provide self discipline, you must interact by using clean communication. If you are in any leadership development program, it’s the best rule you can have in regards to all relationships.

We understand you will want to continue building communication skills, because leaders should keep all communication completely clear at all times. Over time this will become second nature and will be critical to your overall efforts. The leader must also show a level of honesty and openness or else it won’t work. See, when you’re in an organization that has no trust or safety then the clean communication is worthless.

Leadership development is all about the ability to build powerful relationships and provide a level of integrity that is at its highest level. This should be done even before conducting staff training or anything else within the company.

Eventually you will find that clean communication agreements will be non-negotiable. This is because both parties understand exactly what is going on or the next step that needs to be taken. It also builds a high level of trust as well.

In the end, if everyone is committed to clean communication and utilize whenever necessary, everyone will function more effectively. It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or work relationship, because leadership development is about all of them. This way if there is ever a miscommunication it will be resolved in a timely and respectable fashion.

Dr. Christine McDougall
christine@christinemcdougall.com

Facilitating the healthy emergence of comprehensive integrity in leaders, teams and organisations

61 (0) 414 384000 l P.O. Box 950 Surfers Paradise
Qld, Australia, 4217

http://www.christinemcdougall.com
http://www.positive-deviant.com

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Living in a world where there is job insecurity, people getting laid off their jobs on daily basis, a world filled with under employment, graduate having no job and no future. You need to act now. Act for yourself, family, generation, today and for tomorrow. How then should you act? What actions must you take to succeed? What steps will take you to where you have always dreamt of? Read on.

The answer to all this questions is for you to become an Entrepreneur. The desire to learn about entrepreneurship, self-employment, and/or business ownership will be the foundation you need for your success. First I would like to you to know that an entrepreneur is a person of a very high aptitude who pioneers change, possessing characteristics found in a very small fraction of the human race. An entrepreneur can further be defined simply as anyone who wants to work for himself or herself, that is, being your own boss. Becoming an entrepreneur is a fruitful journey to embark upon. This article is explicitly focused on how you can get started.

The first thing to do as an entrepreneur is to think. Thinking? Yes! Thinking is the number one thing you have to engage yourself in. Use more of your leisure thing to think out how you can add color to the lives of others. Thinking of how you can help out in a particular need of mankind and when such though continues for some times, it becomes pregnant and gives birth to ideas. Ideas rule the world as we all know. It is your ideas now that gives you an edge over other people because we all are different individuals and see things differently from our own angle. That’s what makes those ideas so unique. These ideas bring about innovations.

I would like you to know that ideas don’t fall from the sky. You have to input some amount of your time into this. You need to pursue information and knowledge. Make a lot of research and I bet you, sooner than later, you will become a database of ideas. Information is very paramount to an entrepreneur because that is the only way you can come about a novel product or still incorporate new functionality into existing products and have an edge over your potential competitors.

Information resources on entrepreneurship could be talking directly to business owners and asking questions, reading books and magazines, going to seminars, and using online resources–websites, free podcasts, etc. And when you finally translate your idea into a product, what next?

Wealth is created when such innovations results in new demand. But note making it in life as an entrepreneur is not something that is instantaneous but can be achieved with time depending on your idea, product and method of implementation. That is why the place of information can never be underestimated if you really want to be a successful entrepreneur. Remember when you are not informed, you are deformed. I will highlight in my next article.

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Do not let a low self esteem ruin your life. The way you think about yourself determines how you interact with others.

What are some examples of low esteem aspects in you mind that you need improvement on?

1. Nothing you do seems to go right
2. You believe that most people do not like you.
3. You believe that you are not attractive.
4. You choose something and it turns out to be the worst one.
5. You are afraid to converse with others for fear that what you say might not make sense.
6. You feel swallowed up in a whirlpool of frustration.
What’s wrong with you? Your thoughts, actually.

Stop thinking that the world is closing in on you. Get determined to achieve what you desire. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. The world is not your problem, you are your own problem.

From this moment on, begin the process of self esteem improvement. Think the right way and be determined to win, and win you will. Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is its counterpart.

Oftentimes, one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. A surefire candidate to low self esteem improvement. Who knows what great things might have been achieved if only they had persevered.

Without a high self esteem, your life could be rather boring. Change your thinking and begin to see yourself on top of the world. Make a very special effort to be what you really want to be.

You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or acquire self esteem improvement and develop a high self esteem with good character and self image.
The origin of low self esteem.

A low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain. No wonder they grew up to be full of resentment.

If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mindset and do self esteem improvement. Start reading about the life of successful persons and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education.

Many decided to override their low self esteem and improve their attitude, whatever it took. They became some of the greatest men and women that ever lived.

Low self esteem has never helped anyone else and it sure will not help you. It can only drive you into depression, anger, grudge, fear and all the other evils that it generates.

Re-program your thinking and control your state of mind. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it.

Do not waste your life away with feelings of inadequacies. Instead, think of ways to go about self esteem improvement. Success is yours, just reach out and grasp it.

In company, though none are “free,” yet all are “equal.” All therefore whom you meet, should be treated with equal respect, although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her guests. Those whom she has honoured by asking to her house, you should sanction by admitting to your acquaintance.

If you meet any one whom you have never heard of before, you may converse with him with entire propriety. The form of “introduction” is nothing more than a statement by a mutual friend that two gentlemen are by rank and manners fit acquaintances for one another. All this may be presumed from the fact, that both meet at a respectable house. This is the theory of the matter. Custom, however, requires that you should take the earliest opportunity afterwards to be regularly presented to such an one.

The great business in company is conversation. It should be studied as art. Style in conversation is as important, and as capable of cultivation as style in writing. The manner of saying things is what gives them their value.

The most important requisite for succeeding here, is constant and unfaltering attention. That which Churchill has noted as the greatest virtue on the stage, is also the most necessary in company, to be “always attentive to the business of the scene.” Your understanding should, like your person, be armed at all points. Never go into society with your mind en deshabille. It is fatal to success to be all absent or distrait. The secret of conversation has been said to consist in building upon the remark of your companion. Men of the strongest minds, who have solitary habits and bookish dispositions, rarely excel in sprightly colloquy, because they seize upon the thing itself, the subject abstractly, instead of attending to the language of other speakers, and do not cultivate verbal pleasantries and refinements. He who does otherwise gains a reputation for quickness, and pleases by showing that he has regarded the observation of others.

It is an error to suppose that conversation consists in talking. A more important thing is to listen discreetly. Mirabeau said, that to succeed in the world, it is necessary to submit to be taught many things which you understand, by persons who know nothing about them. Flattery is the smoothest path to success; and the most refined and gratifying compliment you can pay, is to listen. “The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others,” says La Bruy,re, “than in showing a great deal yourself: he who goes from your conversation pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with you. Most men had rather please than admire you, and seek less to be instructed, nay, delighted, than to be approved and applauded. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.”

It is certainly proper enough to convince others of your merits. But the highest idea which you can give a man of your own penetration, is to be thoroughly impressed with his.

Patience is a social engine. To listen, to wait, and to he wearied are the certain elements of good fortune.

If there be any foreigner present at a dinner party, or small evening party, who does not understand the language which is spoken, good breeding requires that the conversation should be carried on entirely in his language. Even among your most intimate friends, never address any one in a language not understood by all the others. It is as bad as whispering.

Never speak to any one in company about a private affair which is not understood by others, as asking how that matter is coming on, &c. In so doing you indicate your opinion that the rest are de trop. If you wish to make any such inquiries, always explain to others the business about which you inquire, if the subject admit of it.

If upon the entrance of a visitor you continue a conversation begun before, you should always explain the subject to the new-comer.

If there is any one in the company whom you do not know, be careful how you let off any epigrams or pleasant little sarcasms. You might be very witty upon halters to a man whose father had been hanged. The first requisite for successful conversation is to know your company well.

There is another precept of a kindred nature to be observed, namely, not to talk too well when you do talk. You do not raise yourself much in the opinion of another, if at the same time that you amuse him, you wound him in the nicest point, his self-love. Besides irritating vanity, a constant flow of wit is excessively fatiguing to the listeners. A witty man is an agreeable acquaintance, but a tiresome friend. “The wit of the company, next to the butt of the company,” says Mrs. Montagu, “is the meanest person in it. The great duty of conversation is to follow suit, as you do at whist: if the eldest hand plays the deuce of diamonds, let not his next neighbour dash down the king of hearts, because his hand is full of honours. I do not love to see a man of wit win all the tricks in conversation.”

In addressing any one, always look at him; and if there are several present, you will please more by directing some portion of your conversation, as an anecdote or statement, to each one individually in turn. This was the great secret of Sheridan’s charming manner. His bon-mots were not numerous.

It is indispensable for conversation to be well acquainted with the current news and the historical events of the last few years. It is not convenient to be quite so far behind the rest of the world in such matters.

But Knowledge must go with Sympathy, else the emotions will become maudlin and pity may be wasted on a poodle instead of a child; on a field-mouse instead of a human soul. Knowledge in use is wisdom, and wisdom implies a sense of values you know a big thing from a little one, a valuable fact from a trivial one. Tragedy and comedy are simply questions of value: a little misfit in life makes us laugh, a great one is tragedy and cause for expression of grief.

Poise is the strength of body and strength of mind to control your Sympathy and your Knowledge. Unless you control your emotions they run over and you stand in the mire. Sympathy must not run riot, or it is valueless and tokens weakness instead of strength. In every hospital for nervous disorders are to be found many instances of this loss of control. The individual has Sympathy but not Poise, and therefore his life is worthless to himself and to the world.

He symbols inefficiency and not helpfulness. Poise reveals itself more in voice than it does in words; more in thought than in action; more in atmosphere than in conscious life. It is a spiritual quality, and is felt more than it is seen. It is not a matter of bodily size, nor of bodily attitude, nor attire, nor of personal comeliness: it is a state of inward being, and of knowing your cause is just. And so you see it is a great and profound subject after all, great in its ramifications, limitless in extent, implying the entire science of right living. I once met a man who was deformed in body and little more than a dwarf, but who had such Spiritual Gravity such Poise that to enter a room where he was, was to feel his presence and acknowledge his superiority. To allow Sympathy to waste itself on unworthy objects is to deplete one’s life forces. To conserve is the part of wisdom, and reserve is a necessary element in all good literature, as well as in everything else.

Poise being the control of our Sympathy and Knowledge, it implies a possession of these attributes, for without having Sympathy and Knowledge you have nothing to control but your physical body. To practise Poise as a mere gymnastic exercise, or study in etiquette, is to be self-conscious, stiff, preposterous and ridiculous. Those who cut such fantastic tricks before high heaven as make angels weep, are men void of Sympathy and Knowledge trying to cultivate Poise. Their science is a mere matter of what to do with arms and legs. Poise is a question of spirit controlling flesh, heart controlling attitude.

Get Knowledge by coming close to Nature. That man is the greatest who best serves his kind. Sympathy and Knowledge are for use you acquire that you may give out; you accumulate that you may bestow. And as God has given unto you the sublime blessings of Sympathy and Knowledge, there will come to you the wish to reveal your gratitude by giving them out again; for the wise man is aware that we retain spiritual qualities only as we give them away. Let your light shine. To him that hath shall be given. The exercise of wisdom brings wisdom; and at the last the infinitesimal quantity of man’s knowledge, compared with the Infinite, and the smallness of man’s Sympathy when compared with the source from which ours is absorbed, will evolve an abnegation and a humility that will lend a perfect Poise. The Gentleman is a man with perfect Sympathy, Knowledge, and Poise.

If you remove your hat you need not at the same time bend the dorsal vertebr’ of your body, unless you wish to be very reverential, as in saluting a bishop.

If an individual of the lowest rank, or without any rank at all, takes off his hat to you, you should do the same in return. A bow, says La Fontaine, is a note drawn at sight. If you acknowledge it, you must pay the full amount. The two best-bred men in England, Charles the Second and George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest of their subjects.

If you have anything to say to any one in the street however intimate you may be, do not stop the person, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.

If there is any one of your acquaintance, with whom you have a difference, do not avoid looking at him, unless from the nature of things the quarrel is necessarily for life. It is almost always better to bow with cold civility, though without speaking.

Good sense and convenience are the foundations of good breeding; and it is assuredly vastly more reasonable and more agreeable to enjoy a passing gratification, when no sequent evil is to be apprehended, than to be rendered uncomfortable by an ill-founded pride. It is therefore better to carry on an easy and civil conversation. A snuff-box, or some polite accommodation rendered, may serve for an opening. Talk only about generalities, the play, the roads, the weather. Avoid speaking of persons or politics, for, if the individual is of the opposite party to yourself, you will be engaged in a controversy: if he holds the same opinions, you will be overwhelmed with a flood of vulgar intelligence, which may soil your mind. Be reservedly civil while the colloquy lasts, and let the acquaintance cease with the occasion.

Women should not “obey” men anymore than men should obey women. There are six requisites in every happy marriage; the first is Faith, and the remaining five are Confidence. Nothing so compliments a man as for a woman to believe in him nothing so pleases a woman as for a man to place confidence in her.

Obey? God help me! Yes, if I loved a woman, my whole heart’s desire would be to obey her slightest wish. And how could I love her unless I had perfect confidence that she would only aspire to what was beautiful, true and right? And to enable her to realize this ideal, her wish would be to me a sacred command; and her attitude of mind toward me I know would be the same. And the only rivalry between us would be as to who could love the most; and the desire to obey would be the one controlling impulse of our lives.

We gain freedom by giving it, and he who bestows faith gets it back with interest. To bargain and stipulate in love is to lose.

Perfect faith implies perfect love; and perfect love casteth out fear. It is always the fear of imposition, and a lurking intent to rule, that causes the woman to haggle over a word it is absence of love, a limitation, an incapacity. The price of a perfect love is an absolute and complete surrender.

To give a man something for nothing tends to make the individual dissatisfied with himself.

Your enemies are the ones you have helped.

And when an individual is dissatisfied with himself he is dissatisfied with the whole world and with you.

A man’s quarrel with the world is only a quarrel with himself. But so strong is this inclination to lay blame elsewhere and take credit to ourselves, that when we are unhappy we say it is the fault of this woman or that man. Especially do women attribute their misery to That Man.

And often the trouble is he has given her too much for nothing.

This truth is a reversible, back-action one, well lubricated by use, working both ways as the case may be.

That form of affection which drives sharp bargains and makes demands, gets a check on the bank in which there is no balance.

There is nothing so costly as something you get for nothing.

SECOND LAW: Difficult environment. Magnetism develops in direct proportion to the difficulty of environment.

THIRD LAW: Magnetic intention. Magnetism evolves solely through multiplication of endowment into environment by the persistent magnetic intention.

FOURTH LAW: Free adjustment. The culture of magnetism imperatively demands that central adjustment of the self to all powers which realizes in absolute psychic freedom.

FIFTH LAW: Concentration. The magnetic multiplication of endowment into environment is only possible to intense, persistent and unified concentration to the methods of Success-Magnetism.

SIXTH LAW: Purpose-ideals. Growth of noblest magnetism depends, in the larger sense, upon general adherence to a single, preeminent, ideal life-purpose, and, in the particular sense, upon specialization of the individual in studied magnetic conduct related to that end.

SEVENTH LAW: Receptivity. The highest magnetism realizes through magnetic laws in proportion as the inner self maintains alert receptivity to the Universal Forces.

EIGHTH LAW: Demand. The silent, persistent demand of the self upon the Universal Magnetism makes it a center toward which the Forces naturally gravitate.

NINTH LAW: Affirmation. Continuous, intense affirmation of actual possessed magnetic power stimulates the success-elements, maintains receptivity, emphasizes demand, harmonizes and intensifies inner etheric vibrations, and induces a positive movement of the universal ether and its forces inward toward the central self.

TENTH LAW: Psychic energy. All personal magnetism involves psychic energy developed and directed by magnetic intention.

ELEVENTH LAW: Self-control. Magnetic energy concentrates through psychic control of its tendencies.

TWELFTH LAW: Magnetic quality. The inner psychic attitude the character of magnetic intention determines the quality and effectiveness of the effort to multiply endowment into environment, and, therefore, the kind and degree of magnetism attained.

THIRTEENTH LAW: Self-valuation. Other things being equal, magnetism unfolds as gratifying, but unostentatious, self- valuation develops.

FOURTEENTH LAW: Use of self. Under conformity to other magnetic laws, the highest magnetism issues only from the constant best use of self at its best to the best advantage.

FIFTEENTH LAW: Magnetic heroism. Self-pity, complaint, and all kindred states, confuse, weaken and waste every variety of magnetic power, while heroic acceptance of conditions for their betterment, and courageous assertion of self as master, conserve and enormously develop the noblest magnetism in proportion to the sway of the magnetic intention.

SIXTEENTH LAW: Action and reaction. Highest magnetism involves not only studied cultivation, but, as well, the magnetic utilization of stimulating reactions induced by intelligent employment.

SEVENTEENTH LAW: Recovery. Whoever, on occasion of any psychic (magnetic) failure or defeat, dedicates the whole of aroused desperation to recovery of ground, infallibly induces a stress in the etheric life around him which ultimately draws to his aid, with the onsweep of worlds, the Universal Forces.

EIGHTEENTH LAW: Reproduction. “Everything is transmitted, everything is transformed, everything is reproduced” (Ochorowicz); in physical and psychic health alone, therefore, are the Universal Forces transmitted through perfect etheric vibrations, transformed through effective etheric conduction, and reproduced in magnetism by adequate and harmonious psychic control of etheric capabilities.

NINETEENTH LAW: Superiority of culture. The crude values of natural magnetism, the automatic functions of unconscious magnetism, demonstrate at their best solely as they climax in full conscious magnetic culture.

That men should work together for the good of all is very beautiful, and I believe the day will come when these things will be, but the simple process of fifty-one per cent of the voters casting ballots for socialism will not bring it about.

The matter of voting is simply the expression of a sentiment, and after the ballots have been counted there still remains the work to be done. A man might vote right and act like a fool the rest of the year.

The socialist who is full of bitterness, fight, faction and jealousy is creating an opposition that will hold him and all others like him in check. And this opposition is well, for even a very imperfect society is forced to protect itself against dissolution and a condition which is worse. To take over the monopolies and operate them for the good of society is not enough, and not desirable either, so long as the idea of rivalry is rife.

As long as self is uppermost in the minds of men, they will fear and hate other men, and under socialism there would be precisely the same scramble for place and power that we see in politics now.

Society can never be reconstructed until its individual members are reconstructed. Man must be born again. When fifty-one per cent of the voters rule their own spirit and have put fifty-one per cent of their present envy, jealousy, bitterness, hate, fear and foolish pride out of their hearts, then socialism will be at hand, and not until then.

The subject is entirely too big to dispose of in a paragraph, so I am just going to content myself here with the mention of one thing, the danger to society of exclusive friendships between man and man, and woman and woman. No two persons of the same sex can complement each other, neither can they long uplift or benefit each other. Usually they deform the mental and spiritual estate. We should have many acquaintances or none. When two men begin to “tell each other everything,” they are hiking for senility. There must be a bit of well-defined reserve. We are told that in matter solid steel for instance the molecules never touch. They never surrender their individuality. We are all molecules of Divinity, and our personality should not be abandoned. Be yourself, let no man be necessary to you. Your friend will think more of you if you keep him at a little distance. Friendship, like credit, is highest where it is not used.

I can understand how a strong man can have a great and abiding affection for a thousand other men, and call them all by name, but how he can regard any one of these men much higher than another and preserve his mental balance, I do not know.

Let a man come close enough and he’ll clutch you like a drowning person, and down you both go. In a close and exclusive friendship men partake of others’ weaknesses.

In shops and factories it happens constantly that men will have their chums. These men relate to each other their troubles they keep nothing back they sympathize with each other, they mutually condole.

They combine and stand by each other. Their friendship is exclusive and others see that it is. Jealousy creeps in, suspicion awakens, hate crouches around the corner, and these men combine in mutual dislike for certain things and persons. They foment each other, and their sympathy dilutes sanity by recognizing their troubles men make them real. Things get out of focus, and the sense of values is lost. By thinking some one is an enemy you evolve him into one.

Soon others are involved and we have a clique. A clique is a friendship gone to seed.

A clique develops into a faction, and a faction into a feud, and soon we have a mob, which is a blind, stupid, insane, crazy, ramping and roaring mass that has lost the rudder. In a mob there are no individuals all are of one mind, and independent thought is gone.

A feud is founded on nothing it is a mistake a fool idea fanned into flame by a fool friend! And it may become a mob.

Every man who has had anything to do with communal life has noticed that the clique is the disintegrating bacillus and the clique has its rise always in the exclusive friendship of two persons of the same sex, who tell each other all unkind things that are said of each other “so be on your guard.” Beware of the exclusive friendship! Respect all men and try to find the good in all. To associate only with the sociable, the witty, the wise, the brilliant, is a blunder go among the plain, the stupid, the uneducated, and exercise your own wit and wisdom. You grow by giving have no favorites you hold your friend as much by keeping away from him as you do by following after him.

Revere him yes, but be natural and let space intervene. Be a Divine molecule.

Be yourself and give your friend a chance to be himself. Thus do you benefit him, and in benefiting him you benefit yourself.

The finest friendships are between those who can do without each other.

Of course there have been cases of exclusive friendship that are pointed out to us as grand examples of affection, but they are so rare and exceptional that they serve to emphasize the fact that it is exceedingly unwise for men of ordinary power and intellect to exclude their fellow men. A few men, perhaps, who are big enough to have a place in history, could play the part of David to another’s Jonathan and yet retain the good will of all, but the most of us would engender bitterness and strife.

And this beautiful dream of socialism, where each shall work for the good of all, will never come about until fifty-one per cent of the adults shall abandon all exclusive friendships. Until that day arrives you will have cliques, denominations which are cliques grown big factions, feuds and occasional mobs.

Do not lean on any one, and let no one lean on you. The ideal society will be made up of ideal individuals. Be a man and be a friend to everybody.

When the Master admonished his disciples to love their enemies, he had in mind the truth that an exclusive love is a mistake. Love dies when it is monopolized. It grows by giving. Your enemy is one who misunderstands you why should you not rise above the fog and see his error and respect him for the good qualities you find in him?